“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it may be time for a few wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. We all do lots of things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated, and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Google News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one small “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly.
Now it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Maryanne G says
I have been at that breaking point and wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays!! I guess I was too busy!! I am now learning at my ripe age of 72 to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and nugget-size bits of advice!
Dezi says
Thank you again. This is a constant reminder and a chance to do a self check. Even as I read, the article completed the article and got to the end of the article and was leaving a comment. I got distracted for the last two hours, but I was determined to refocus right my response by writing down all the things that are overwhelming me and moving forward in my day in a peaceful manner thank you
Ann says
When I read this article I realized something: I have become a procrastinating vigilante. That’s an odd combinationI! I veg out in so many ways, with occasional moments of panic when I realize all I have to do . Do I really have to do it all and still belive it isnt enough? ll I took your advice, made a list and started on just one small step. Thank you so much!
Patrik says
This is exactly what I needed to read. I say so many yeses ending up feeling busy and stressed in the process. One sip at a time. Recently I finally said a “No” to a seemingly viable hustle opportunity, but I am glad I did because my financial situation would not be much better and it demanded quite a lot of free/ family time. Take care.
Joel says
Great essay and concepts here today. It’s somewhat of a luxury trap. We agree to new obligations, begin new projects and direct our behaviour because we feel our lives will be bettered in an imaginary future payoff. But we rarely consider that the extra work spawns even greater responsibilities, locking us into our new level of living.
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating/ updating my home, a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much!
Jean Smith says
Oh my gosh, Any Terese, your story is MY story too! I’m redoing my house all at once and now I’ve found myself in a complete state of being STUCK. Like I seriously cannot move for being overwhelmed with this utter mess I’ve created. Yesterday I sat myself down and said enough. Get it together, one area at a time and wow, for the first time in weeks, I actually feel like it’s coming together. I try to read Mark and Angels daily kick in the backside, but lately I’ve been “too busy”. Today I DID read this and I can’t thank them enough. Even better, I can’t thank YOU enough for your letter! You inadvertently gave me some hope and positive thoughts just by realizing I’m not alone! Big smiles and a lighter heart today!!
Melinda says
I really look forward to your emails, they always help me refocus & prioritize without feeling overwhelmed! What a Godsend you both are! Thank you!
Michelle says
This is very helpful. One sip at a time! Make lists! Say no to some good things when they don’t match up with your priorities! Thank you.
Oleseng says
Honestly all three points resonated with me. In the ffirst half of the semester at university I was always overwhelmed, encountered stress and anxiety. And reading this today has clearly opened up my mind on mistakes I should not repeat.
Engaging with your essays every week is truly helpful. My mind is at ease and it helps me to do better everyday in these last few months of the year.
Carol says
This definitely spoke to me. I have a hard time with boundaries and end up getting being taken advantage by ppl. Also, one sip at a time. Thanks for this article.
Pam Cornett says
This is just what I need at this time. I am totally overwhelmed by a bunch of work on my plate. Yesterday I did go through some paperwork on my desk. Not all of it, just a little bite or sip and I will tackle some more today.
I too really appreciate your emails and posts, they help me put things in perspective. Thanks as always.
Hilary says
My plate is waaay too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with for over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. Your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my video recordings from your conference these past years — excellent!
Carmen Mota says
As I get older, I’ve come to realize that my emotional wellbeing is a priority.
4 decades ago, I was running around like the energizer bunny and not getting anything done & ultimately felt my performance was poor. This was a reality check!!!
What works for me is staying grounded by breaking tasks down and prioritizing what is really important on that particular day or week.
Thank you for your voice of reason and inspiration. This struck a chord with me.
JH says
I have definitely felt like that guy in the story before, complete overwhelmed by everything in front of me. Such a great article on why “No” is the most important word in the English language. Being a virtual assistant, I sometime have to say no to a client or a potential one either because I have too much work (usually the case) or I don’t have the skills/knowledge to perform whatever the client is desiring to have done. You need to make this word part of your vocabulary and say it when needed.
Amanda says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now. So…thank you.
L says
I was always a yes man for others and a no man for me. I always felt selfish if I said yes to me but now that has changed with age. If I don’t say yes to me know one else that’s important will be able to get the best of me. So I have learned this the hard way, thanks for the reminder.
marj kammer says
I alway liked the saying “Yes, you can do it all, but you can’t do it all at the same time”. Love the article — and especially “You are not superwoman”, Picking the priorities and keeping them to a small list is the biggest priority. Thank you always for your insights.
Janice says
Happy Sunday! I needed this! I have been overwhelmed with the craziness in my life for nearly a year now. I repeat over & over Help me Jesus to make it through the day! This message is motivation!?? Thank you!
Stacy horton says
Wow! EXACTLY what my best friend n I needed to hear. . Thank you from both of us.
Frans says
I am 83, due to this very cycle you are talking about, I am normally at my office before 6am & leave at 5pm. I am doing exactly what you have said (have you been reading my daily diary). I am getting less & less done. Somehow I must find a way to sort out what to say NO to. Thank you for this wake-up call.
Mari says
Wow, did I ever need this today! I’ve been saying Yes to everyone and everything lately and feeling overwhelmed and resentful for having so much to do . Unfortunately, I feel guilty if I don’t say yes, especially since my husband never says no to anything. I feel like a slacker if I opt out.
Kathy R says
The part about distracting yourself away from the overwhelm is so what I needed to read. That hit home with me and my current struggles weaning off of the distractions. Have been using the ‘one sip at a time’ approach at getting things done, but until I curb distractions I will keep struggling. You’re articles are always full of helpful insights for which I am grateful.
Tabbi says
I have been reading your articles for awhile now, and I always walk away with a little more hope and clarity each time. Thank you.
Bon says
Kudos to you both for such an enlightening post to remind us to take one sip at a time.
I have been a caregiver for more 10yrs for my disabled husband and a full time worker at a senior facility now I am reaping it badly for my left knee needs a repair this 30th…I am slowing down now and thank you for reminding me. I should stop having self pity when I can’t clean my home and other errands I need to do.
Your writing are always a breath of fresh air. Thank you and God bless you both!